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As a house manager you need to be able to control people, right down to keeping them from chucking their butts in the street. There is a fun and rewarding side to the life of being a manager also, though.
I am sure in this economy just about every type of job has appealed to almost everybody as they apply their creative thinking to how to make some extra money. Let me briefly cover being a sober living manager and what it would require. First of all, I don’t think I am aware of any sober living houses who have managers who have never had a drinking or drug problem. There are a few reasons for this. First and foremost, dealing with addicts and alcoholics in early recovery takes a great deal of understanding and patience. Along with being patient and understanding, however, you have to have a tough side. I know those qualities sound incongruous — and maybe they are as there are some managers of houses who should truly not be working in the field of recovery.
You must be patient and understanding because people in early recovery are hurting. Their very souls may be damaged, as their self esteem is usually extremely low because they have recently “bottomed out” presuming they are coming from a treatment program. This means they reached a point where they finally admitted and accepted the fact that they need help. That takes admitting that your life is out of control, which is the same as admitting that your best thinking simply did not work. Not only did your best thinking not work, but it landed you in drug rehab — the last place anybody wants to be in their right mind.
So you must be patient and understanding for those people who are really trying to get better. They need encouragement, they need someone to talk to (and you get tired of talking sometimes as a manager because you have heard a lot of the same thought patterns over and over again). You must realize everybody is different though, and you are providing an environment where some personal healing gets under way. Sober living or halfway houses are environments that need to be full of mutual support, which they usually are if as the manager you know how to pick your guests. Ideally, you want guests who are outgoing to the degree they enjoy supporting those people around them so that does not land on a manager’s shoulders all the time. You as a manager must really want to help people and make a difference in their lives — and that alone must be rewarding enough to keep you hip to the job. I have had guests who still write to me years after I was their manager to tell me what a difference I helped make in their life at that time, and how they credit in part how well they are doing to you. One letter like that should help propel you through 20 people with bad attitudes.
Generally only people who are in recovery apply for the job. There is something within those of us who have been in recovery that drives us to want to help others who are in a bad place, and make a difference in somebody’s life. You must want to help others in a big way to take on the position of house manager because there is another side of the coin, however.
This mural is simply called "Understanding" and resides in the Library of Congress
As far as neighbors go, you have to be tough on your house about respecting them, and understanding their fears. The word “addict” brings only the worst thoughts to someone who knows little about addiction. That is just the way it is, so you have to accept that part of the equation, but you can keep a low profile with your house by NOT allowing people to hang around the front steps smoking, congregate in the street or park their cars all over the place and you really need to pay strict attention to the little things in the neighborhood. Pull your empty trash bins in when everybody else does. Take pride in the way the yard is kept up. Pay attention to how late noise will be tolerated to the extent people sit in the back yard outside and smoke and talk if you are in a tight area of an R1 neighborhood. Cigarette butts being tossed in the street, etc. You must use all your common sense to be a good neighbor and that is important or you are going to generate complaints — and nobody in or out of the business tolerates or likes houses that generate complaints.
It is a tough job but it can be the most rewarding thing you have ever done. You must not allow yourself to get too close to the guests, which can also be difficult — but it is tougher on you than you’d think if someone you have come to like a lot goes down, because a piece of you goes with them. In sum, if you allow that to happen too often, it won’t be long before you yourself may be facing relapse. And that is where your thoughts about taking on a job such as manager ultimately boil down to: Can you take care of a house that numbers x people, and keep your own program strong and healthy at the same time? If you think the answer to that question is positive, then go for it!
Do remember the best advice I can give anybody who does choose to manage a house: Always remember it is not your job to keep a guest sober, it is your job to provide a great sober living environment that gives the guest the best chance of remaining sober.
Related articles
- Tom Rees’s Journey from High Living to Living High, Takes Him into Business World of Sober Living (prweb.com)
